Expectations

So I feel the need to apologize for my earlier post. I know that most of you will say, "why...", but I feel the need. I told you all from the beginning I was going to be vulnerable and honest. Well I obviously was that. I was wondering why I felt so down (on myself, the situation, etc) and I think I realized it is because of expectations. I went to bed last night believing that I was going to get a full nights sleep, I felt we had made major progress, and after the night I felt like we were back at square one. In the early days of Kasey being gone I had ZERO expectations, I was just trying to make it from day to day. So a good day I could celebrate and a bad day I would just endure/survive. But I had no reason to get really down because I wasn't expecting it to be good. With no expectations comes no disappointment.

We had been making such good strides (which today...even though exhausted...overall was good with kids) and the nights were finding their rhythm too. Well even a week or two ago when the days started getting better there were rough patches. The problem is when it is 5 in the morning you forget all the progress and don't think about it as a rough patch, but that every night is going to be like this. So I still believe we are doing well...we just had a rough night (and really it was just a rough 2 1/2 hours, not even the whole night).

So I come apologizing, because frankly the post came off whiny. After talking to Kasey, I actually thought about just deleting it, but then I realized that it is part of this journey and although it is a fairly ugly part of the journey, we still need to remember it so looking back we can see what all God did!

I still have faith...my prayer is the same for tonight as last night...both kids to sleep all the way through the night. In the past (and I even wanted to do it tonight), I would add and if not then let them go back to sleep quickly, if not..., you get the idea...I am not adding the if nots anymore...I am praying for God to do something that I can't (what else is new) and that is to let our children sleep uninterrupted through the whole night. And as Kasey said, thank you for joining in that prayer with us. I ask for no plan B...the plan is to have them sleep through the night...and God will see it through!

Thank you for letting me be honest, both when it is hard here and when I need to say I was a little dramatic!

LOVE YOU ALL
brad