Realizations...

I have come to several realizations today...

1) This is way harder than I ever expected. I knew it would be hard, but for different reasons. I thought missing Kasey, Kate, and Sam would be the hardest, what I have realized is trying to adjust to two children that for us are 6 weeks old, but 4 and 19 months in real age. I thought (this was crazy) that we would bond so quickly that they would automatically trust us, but trust is grown, especially in a 4 year old like Martin

2) Martin and Kamrynn Rose are not Kate and Sam. I thought they would automatically respond to us like Kate and Sam. I knew personalities would be different...they all are...but I thought when I said something and gave a consequence they would respond (mainly talking about Martin, I know Rose is 19 months), but that hasn't happened either.

3) I thought (this is also crazy), that this was going to be like an extended retreat. I would have time to study, read, blog, email, etc...WOW was I wrong! Two kids that don't trust you yet need lots of attention and ever moment I am in front of the computer is a moment not building the relationship. It is not as 'natural' with adopted children as bio kids, so you have to work extra hard at it. So if the blogs get less, that is why. I figure I can get one in the morning after I spend some time in the word and one at bedtime. The first part of the day they play pretty well by themselves, but then boredom sets in and I am going to have to direct, redirect, codirect, postdirect (I think you get the point).

4) I love my wife more than I ever thought I did. I knew I loved her, but the way that I know now I love her hopefully will change me forever! She is the most incredible spouse ever! She is my partner, my best friend!! She shows me more about the love of God than any other person ever has!

What I learned through these realizations...God is in control (I knew, but I KNOW that now). I say that because I know I am not in control...that has become painfully obvious (emphasis on painful).

I have learned that I have to relearn how to parent. I don't mean this to be prideful, but I think Kasey and I have done a good job with Kate and Sam (they are easy to parent, but they still have to be parented). Now we will find out how good we really are. Right now I am the one having to game plan and implement everything and I admit that is hard because I am not the naturally creative parent. I am the one that does the same thing over and over again and sometimes that becomes frustrating for the kids...then me. Kasey is the good one at that. SO I have been on the Internet today reading about the behavior of adopted kids and some ways to manage that. I told Kasey I don't want to just survive these 4 weeks, I want to see progress. I am not saying they have to be perfect when Kasey and Kate get here, just progress made, strategies that finding footing and the ability to cope. I can't tell you how much I want that one...coping for Martin is going blank. He is a smart boy, very creative and he is finding ways to get attention...what I have to do is help him learn how to get positive attention.

So here are some of the things I am trying...feel free to post your thoughts or suggestions. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT...I keep telling him be a good boy and you will get good things...that hasn't worked. History has told him people let you down. So he doesn't know Kasey and I aren't going to. So every good behavior is going to be met with a positive word, hug, kiss, sweetie (their word for candy) or something else good.

I also am implementing the phrase we use with Kate and Sam...LISTEN and OBEY. He will hear that all the time. Not in a harsh way but in a positive way. That way he knows what is expected. Tonight at dinner he was taking a drink and spitting back into his cup. I calmly took the cup away and said we don't spit our drink in our cup. He tried to get it I said it again (calmly). He stood up in his chair to try and get it and I said Martin listen and obey, we don't do that, you are finished with your drink. He sat down and didn't try it again. NOW I know it will happen again...I know he will test more, but it is a small step of progress.

I also learned I can't expect him to do everything right and if I do it will just frustrate him. So unless it is disrespectful or it will hurt someone or something I am letting it go for now. I want to get the big things under control right now and then we can fine tune.

There are other things, but that is a start. I know it all starts with not reacting because that is what he wants. So I have to stay calm and be consistent.

Here is the prayer for the kids...and me. I can handle the day. I need them to be good at night...all night. The night is two things for me...it is my time to talk to Kasey and just talk without having to be on duty and my time to fill your Internet browser with my thoughts...both of those are good for my soul. It is also much needed rest. The days are going to be tiring and if I have the opportunity I sleep good, but they have to sleep for me to sleep!

OK so now that you have heard my whole heart from the day, pray! I know you are, I can feel it. It would be much worse if you weren't, but no pressure!

LOVE YOU ALL...especially those 3 people living by RBC...but all of you too!
brad