This is a hard blog to type because it truly is emotional, but it is a good emotion. I will tell you today was the best day I have had here without Kasey, when I give you some of the details you will think I am crazy, but hang in there.
This morning was pretty good, not great but good. Martin stayed within the boundaries (some day soon I will blog about my new understanding of boundaries and God). BTW - the boundaries are BIG right now...I may have said this last night but if it is not hurting someone or something or it is not disrespectful I am letting it slide OR I am simply redirecting without saying anything about the behavior. NOW someday those behaviors will be addressed, but we have other things to work on right now.
I have always believed that there are symptoms to a problem and then there is the problem at the core. The problem at the core for Martin is trust/security. The behavior is the only way he can cope with that problem.
So we went and ate pizza jumped, etc... because he slept good last night. We had fun, but on the way home I saw some testiness in him. Kamrynn Rose went down like a champ for nap and I told Martin I just wanted him to sit on his bed and watch Strawberry Shortcake (his favorite...that is something that will be addressed later, but is within the boundaries right now). He would not sit on his bed and started not talking and whining. I wont go into all the details but let's just say timeout was not good. I sat with him during timeout which involved me getting hit, kicked, scratched, pinched, my glass knocked off my face (3 times). Let me say before you wonder...all I did was block the punches, kicks, and the other attempts to knock off my glasses. I stayed as calm as I have ever been in my life!. Then he just started crying, so I grabbed him and pulled him in my lap. Eventually (45 minutes or so after this all started), I said are you going to listen and obey (our phrase for Kate and Sam and now Kamrynn and Martin) and he said yes. I told him (as I had several times during the timeout) that I loved him, gave him hugs, kisses, and dried off his face. We walked to the bed and he sat down and I praised him big time for obeying. He ask me to sit with him, because I was getting on the computer and I came and sat with him and he was completely different. (BTW in all this Kamrynn Rose didn't wake up...that was God)
Later we went outside and he started disobeying so I told him we were going inside. I grabbed all our stuff...he stood back like he wasn't going to come and I just started walking with Kamrynn Rose. He runs up behind me and all the way up the stairs he is hitting me in the back. We get to the room and we go through the same routine as before...except spitting on me was added and I mean I was soaked. The whole time I sat on the floor with my legs toward him put my upper body turned away and I never acknowledged the behavior. Then he started crying again, I pull him up, and we go through the same routine as before. This time it was probably 20 (maybe 30 minutes tops).
Now I said it is the best day we have had and here is why. Tonight I could tell he was freaked out going to bed and he asked me to lay with him. I said I will sit on your bed by your feet. He said OK. As he is going to sleep and our music is playing and I am worshipping (obviously not singing out loud, but worshipping) God hit me with this thought...today this boy became your son. I can say that because when you adopt it takes time to form that strong bond. Today it happened and I know it happened because I let him do all those things to me and I never got mad at him, because I realized that his little world is turned upside down and his behavior is all he has right now. I never want him to see me angry, until he knows he can trust me...if he sees me angry and doesn't know he can be secure in me then I am worth nothing to him because he will think I am just going to abandon him, hurt him, or whatever he is thinking. I sat in his bed as we went to sleep and looked at him and thought, "I will do anything for this child", and that is how I know he is my son!
Where he is at is not where he will end up...we will show him the grace and love of the Father, that has been shown to us. And God through us will redeem this boy from whatever he is feeling right now and God will use him for His glory! That is my 'prophecy' for my son! All of our kids have great potential for the Kingdom and the things God has brought each one of them through will be assets in their lives and ministries. How awesome is the testimony of this little boy when he becomes a man. May Kasey and I both continue to do whatever is needed to be what he needs. He needs what we all need and that is Jesus, and what a blessing that Kasey and I get to be a part of showing the trust and security that we have in Jesus!
So that is why I say it is the best day we have had!
BTW - they are both sleeping soundly!
Love you all
brad
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