Learning Contentment...

So before I laid down last night, as well as after I was in bed, I asked the LORD to teach me what it means to be content in Him alone.

Rose and Martin both had rough nights. Rose started it by waking up several times in a short period of time from 12-12:45. Martin then woke up sometime after 1 and was FREAKED out...no words could comfort him. He finally went back to sleep a little after 3 and then woke up, albeit for only a few minutes around 4. They both were awake at 7:20.

So here is the lesson. Between 1 and 3 when Martin was having the hardest time, and no words could comfort him, I ended up having to lay beside him. I was so frustrated and was asking God why and this was the thought He gave me. This boy doesn't have trust (which I/we knew). He doesn't trust that his surroundings are going to be OK. He doesn't trust that if something is wrong that daddy will protect him. Daddy saying everything OK means nothing to him. As he is pressing his body next to mine in the bed, I realized this is what we do to God. Something happens that scares us, makes us doubt our situation, or whatever and our trust (faith) is shaken. God watches over us while we freak out and then eventually we collapse into His arms exhausted from fighting on our own. Trust is the first step to contentment. Contentment WILL NOT happen if we do not trust Our Heavenly Father in whom we are to find contentment.

Then during that time Rose woke up as well and I was trying to go back and forth trying to get two children asleep. I got frustrated and the thought hit me, "do you trust Me. Do you trust Me to give Martin and Kamrynn Rose the security they need or are you trying to do it on your own?" I realized the lesson was not just from Martin's lack of trust, but MY lack of trust. I began to pray that God would be his security. I have had the thought many times that as He learns security in me he can learn security in his Heavenly Father. And although there is much truth in that, the greater truth is it is God all along who will give him the trust/security he needs. I have been trying to give someone security and only God can truly do that.

I for one realized last night that my faith/trust is so small in measure (apparently much smaller a mustard seed) that I have not been able to find full contentment in Christ. Don't get me wrong my faith has grown since I have been here, I am changed, but I am realizing how far I have to go. My prayer today is to trust Him fully no matter the circumstance(s) so that I can find the contentment in Him that will bring true peace into this situation!

Love you all
brad