Harder than expected...

Before Kasey left I told her that it would be hard to let her go Friday night, but that Saturday morning would be met with resolve and everything would be fine. I was right about that...partially. I woke up this morning and felt good, I talked to Kasey as she was getting into Amsterdam and things felt good...then breakfast hit and the day has been a whirlwind of emotion since them. The kids have really been good, which is a blessing and I know God is allowing me this time to deal with what is happening.

Any person that knows anything about life and God knows that God takes us through valleys in our lives. What we also know is that those valleys are meant for us to have a total dependence on Him, and out of those valleys that we would realize we are to live in dependence on Him. God (most of the time) doesn't take out of those valleys, but He guides us through them.

Well here I am in a valley. I have to admit that I didn't want to write this post, I wanted to just cry things out and not let anyone know what was really going on, but something inside (that would be the Holy Spirit) won't let me. When Kasey was here we had many nights, mornings, mid days, etc. filled with tears. With her here I had someone to be vulnerable with, now that she is on her way back home I still have her, but the circumstances have changed.

God has broken down a lot of walls in me over this time (and my fear is there are still more to be broken down), but one of them is my emotional barrenness. Now don't get me wrong I am not one of these macho guys that thinks it is wrong to show emotion, because I don't, what I was was someone that was just not an overly emotional person. Well here I am telling you that my emotions are strong and I make a promise to all of you that I will be honest about what I am feeling, because I know you will pray! God is bigger than this...as a matter of fact He orchestrated this and it is for His glory.

Kasey and I thought this adoption was about rescuing two children that had little or no chance in life, and although that remains true...it has become about a lot more. Kasey will tell you (and for those of you at RBC you will hear this on Sunday) that she has changed...that God has moved in her in a way that has impacted her forever. I will tell you that for me (and I bet for her) the change is not complete.

I bare my soul and tell you this as well...I feel the strength of the LORD in my weakness. Although I am a mess today and start crying at the drop of a hat, I have this sense of better things to come. I think about the time left here without Kasey (and Kate...which I don't mind telling you helps so much to know that I will get to she my sweet girl in less than a month...now if we could just find a way to beam Sam over, because he is not making the plane ride) and in some ways it feels so long, but in other ways God gives me this peace that it is a drop in the bucket to the time we all have together. Valleys are typical for a set amount of time (we just don't always know that amount of time)

Those of you close to Glen Rose take care of Kasey and the kids for me. As hard as this is Kasey needs to be at home. Kate and Sam need her and she needs it. My request is that you love on her and I know you will. I believe it is going to be as hard on her emotionally as it is on me...so she will need support. She can handle the kids, she can handle the house...but she needs your prayers and encouragement. You may not always know what to do, but just let her know you are there!

I love you all...
brad